


Devoid

by rajtantajtan



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, not heathers (tv) bc that shit can suck my nuts
Genre: BAMF Veronica Sawyer, Bisexual Jason "J. D." Dean, Bisexual Veronica Sawyer, Coffee Shop, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jason "J. D." Dean Gets Help, Referenced Childbirth, Sad Poetry, Suicide Attempt, chaos is what killed the dinosaurs darling, ghost conspiracy, plot twist bitch, these are some happy tags, they're both Depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-12-01 23:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20934566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rajtantajtan/pseuds/rajtantajtan
Summary: There’s something funny about the word void, isn’t there?It means nothingness. Something is gone, missing from the world. Something that might not even have existed in the first place. An empty space, devoid of pesky things like emotions and tears and regret.The punchline, the funny part, is that I’m it. The void, that will say.So here I am, standing at the edge of one of the highest buildings I could get into in the city of New York, waiting for the courage to off myself. To void the world of the void, if you will.My name is Jason Dean, I’m seventeen years old, and today? Today I’m going to die.





	Devoid

**Author's Note:**

> this is older than my grandma's balls, and she's 98

There’s something funny about the word void, isn’t there?  
  
It means nothingness. Something is gone, missing from the world. Something that might not even have existed in the first place. An empty space, devoid of pesky things like emotions and tears and regret. 

The punchline, the funny part, is that I’m it. The void, that will say.

So here I am, standing at the edge of one of the highest buildings I could get into in the city of New York, waiting for the courage to off myself. To void the world of the void, if you will.

My name is Jason Dean, I’m seventeen years old, and today? Today I’m going to die.

The wind howls around my ears, catching in my ratty old trench coat. It’s almost like it’s trying to push me away from the edge, but that’d be ridiculous. The wind wouldn’t care if I died. No one would. So instead of following it’s heed, I lean forward, just a little bit, rebalancing myself on the edge.

I look down.  
  
It’s a long way to the ground.

Instead I turn my gaze upwards, away from the tiny streets with their ant-like people, and stare at the swirling, gray clouds in the sky instead.

I wish I could see the stars, just for a moment. It’s been so long since I saw stars. 

My father’s voice echoes in my ears. _”Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, kiddo.”_

My breath hitches slightly when I take a step, right into the cold, unforgiving air, and I squeeze my eyes shut as I ready myself for taking the next one when the door behind me opens with a loud, drawn out creak.  
  
”WAIT! SHIT, STOP THAT!” a voice yells, out of breath and terrified. I turn around, my coat billowing behind me, body filled with cotton and lead, and I-

I stumble backwards, my left foot leaving the edge, my body falling downwards, my soul escaping my body, and then it stops. Just as suddenly as it began.   
  
There are arms around me. A soft chest against mine.

”Fuck, fuck, fuck! Are you okay?” she says.   
I open my eyes, blearily looking upwards. And _hell_, I think, _I must be in heaven_. Because where else could you find an angel this beautiful?

Her dark brown hair is wavy and wind-swept, falling in gentle arcs around her face. Her eyes are a dark brown, near black, with a determined look in them that makes my knees go so weak that I wonder, for a moment, if they’ve somehow detached themselves from my legs. She’s got a determined mouth, painted pink, with smears of it on her teeth, and the cutest of button noses with a small, dark dot of a birthmark right at the tip.

I stare at her as she grunts and presses me closer to her. I barely even blink when she somehow hauls me back over the edge. I stare at her as she fusses over me, smacking my cheeks and pinching my arms, trying to get a reaction, and wow, this is so not the time for a boner, or for my entire body to feel like it’s been shocked by lightning. The world is a bit fuzzy, and suddenly time skips and her arms and coat are around me as she guides me down the very stairs I walked earlier, to my death. She says something gibberish and for a second I think she’s gotten a stroke, and then I realize.  


Hell. I’m in shock.

A snort leaves me halfway down the stairs, and then I’m choking on pent up tears and laughter, combined in one hot mess as I curl into her arms, shaking and crying like I always do in my dreams when mom tells me she’s _going away for a while_. She pats my arm awkwardly, and then sinks to the floor in the middle of the stairs just to hold me even closer.  
  
”Let it out,” she whispers, placing my head directly under her neck. I can hear her pulse racing from here. ”just let it all out. That’s it.”

”I-I’m J-J-Jason. I’m not… I-I’m n-not a dinos-s-saur.” I sob, trying to convey telepathically that I’m not normally this pathetic, and she pats my back and snorts.

”I’m Veronica. And I agree, you look pretty human to me.” she pauses for a moment, ”Let’s go somewhere else, shall we?”

————

She brings me to a coffee house, and I sit there across from her, a hot coffee of whatever kind in my hands and her bright blue coat draped over my shoulders as she talks to me. I don’t bother telling her that I’m not particularly cold, or that I don’t drink coffee, because she looks so satisfied with herself. So glad to be of help.

”-so that’s why I think ghosts definitely exist. What do you think, Jason?”  
  
”It’s JD,” I murmur, gripping the coffee just that much harder in my hands. A few scorching drops drips onto my fingers, ”only my mom called me Jason.”

She looks at me with her big, brown, sad eyes and I suck in a breath and hold it for a few tense beats, until I realize why she’s suddenly so awkward. I talked in pat tense. I just basically admitted to a stranger that my mom’s dead. Good going, JD.

”And uh, I don’t think ghosts exist. Aliens, though, are a different matter. They’re amongst us.”

He hair bounces excitedly as she pounces on my first contribution to her conversation. She smiles wide, her teeth exposed, crooked and small as they are, and I can’t help but smile back. It’s not much, but it’s something, I think. She grins.  
  
”Ah, dear JD, but that’s where you’re wrong! I happen to have had a very real encounter with a ghost who told me that she’d been around since the 80’s, and had never once encountered an alien! If they are amongst us, as you say, where would they hide? Now, there was a supernatural investigator from the 1800’s called, fuck what was it again? Something Polish, I think, but anyways! He suggested that..”  
  
I lift the cup to my lips and pretend to sip it to hide the way my smile widens just the tiniest bit. I’m perfectly content to sit here and listen to her ramble. Perhaps the sound of her voice can fill a bit of that void I’m trying to void myself of.

————

She holds our child, when she says it, years later. She’s gently combing his hair through her fingers as he sleeps on her chest. 

Her belly is still large and swollen, though the doctors says it’ll go down after a few weeks, and her eyes are constantly puffy with emotion from the barrage of hormones her body’s been put under. His face, tiny and perfect as it is, is also puffy, though with fat and general babyness, I guess, instead of devastating emotions. He looks so peaceful, despite her change in mood, his hand resting on an exposed breast with the knowledge that his next meal awaits him the moment he awakes.

She sniffles, once, twice. He sleeps on.

”I wasn’t supposed to leave that rooftop that night, either.”

And she cries, because she doesn’t want to understand, and she trembles, because she gets it, and I hold her, because I know.

”It’s okay.” I whisper, ”Because…”  
  
She looks up at me, her brown eyes puffy with tears and her hair a wiry mess. Her nose is runny and her cheeks are blotchy with pinks and reds. She definitely doesn’t look her best, but in my eyes, any Veronica is perfection itself.

I smile, pulling her impossibly closer to my heart.  
  
”Because you’re no dinosaur. You’re you, and that’s all you need to be.”

She sobs harder, and snakes her arm around my waist. I lean into the touch.

_Finally_, I think,_ someone to die for._

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this a few years ago and it’s been sitting in a folder ever since, so it thought, ah, to hell with it, might as well post the bitch


End file.
